Guilford Woman March 2014 : Page 36

Love At Any Age By Valda Boyd Ford, MPH, MS, RN One of the things I hear often is “where are all the men?” (or women)! It sometimes seems that as we get older find-ing the right man or woman is difficult. Finding a new friend, companion, lover or life partner may seem particu-larly difficult after the loss of a loved one. One of the reasons finding “the one” might be difficult is that you may be unconsciously putting barriers in your own way. Do you have some set-in-stone picture of what you want? Is this the same picture you had thirty years ago? Perhaps you should update your expectations. Have you been making lists! We all have done it at some stage. Think about this: • Review your list of all the things you MUST have in a mate? • Is the list even remotely realistic? • Should you expect less as you get older? (the answer is no! no! no!) • Are you trying to equal or do better than the person you lost or ran away from? Let’s start with the list. If you are someone who really loves to be outdoors; gardening, walking, and skiing – is it ab-solutely necessary that the person in your life love the same thing. What if they don’t? Are they excluded? Think how wonderful it might be to guide them into new experi-ences. Conversely, don’t you want to meet someone who offers an expansion of your horizons? Where are you looking for the ideal person? • On line? • At the church? • At a bar? • Inside your house? Use your existing network of friends and colleagues. No dating service knows you as well as long-time friends. A real friend is not going to introduce you to someone who is abusive or in financial trouble. Get out and get involved. Volunteer at a senior center. Be a volunteer at an American Heart function. Dating Dos and Don’ts!: Restrain from telling your entire life story the first time you meet someone. A first date will prob-ably run screaming when you lay out every bad thing that has happened to you. The fact that you are dwelling on it just means that you have a lot of baggage – unattractive. Look your best for the situation. Regardless of your age or weight or number of wrinkles you can always dress as if you care. That hair growing on your chin is not cute (if you are a woman) and hair coming out of your ears is a little frightening (regardless of gender). Sweat pants are good for the gym. It only takes a few extra seconds to wear a pair of slacks. Make-up and good grooming like mani-cures and pedicures make you look confident. Most importantly, be friendly and confident. And, be aware when someone is trying to get you to notice them. I mean, who really needs advice on laundry detergent!!! Love is still out there. You will find it! About Sex Is Not for Sissies “Sex is Not for Sissies!” is a candid, tell-it-like-it-is seminar created by Valda Boyd Ford. With more than 30 years of experience as a registered nurse and a lifetime of working to improve the lives of others, Ford discovered that the topic of sex is not discussed enough. The seminar is based upon Ford’s “Living, Laughing and Loving: A Guide to a Satisfying Life.” The guide was developed as a result of women asking her questions about sexual literacy, safer sexual practices and a fulfilling sex life – especially for women over 40. The next Sex is Not for Sissies seminar is March 8th, 2014 from 6pm-9pm at The Technology Center of the Piedmont Triad. Learn more by visiting www.sexis-notforsissies.com or contact Valda at valda@sexisnotfor-sissies.com Valda Boyd Ford, MPH, MS, RN is the Executive Director and Founder of the Center for Human Diversity, Inc. Ford holds a Master of Public Health Policy Analysis and Administration from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, a Master of Nursing Administration from Creighton Univer-sity, and a Bachelor of Science in Nursing from Winston-Salem State University. Valda Boyd Ford’s career includes nearly a decade of service in Saudi Arabia and the U.S. Virgin Is-lands. From Fortune 500 companies and small businesses to health organizations and law enforcement agencies, Ford has made presentations on leadership, public health, and cultural competency in 25 states of the U.S, as well as in over 40 countries abroad including China, Afghanistan, the Netherlands, Wales, Poland, Ghana, Saudi Arabia, the U.S. Virgin Islands, Denmark, Sierra Leone, Sri Lanka, and Australia. 36 | GUILFORDWOMAN.COM

Love At Any Age

Valda Boyd Ford

<br /> One of the things I hear often is “where are all the men?” (or women)! It sometimes seems that as we get older finding the right man or woman is difficult. Finding a new friend, companion, lover or life partner may seem particularly difficult after the loss of a loved one.<br /> <br /> One of the reasons finding “the one” might be difficult is that you may be unconsciously putting barriers in your own way. Do you have some set-in-stone picture of what you want? Is this the same picture you had thirty years ago? Perhaps you should update your expectations.<br /> <br /> Have you been making lists! We all have done it at some stage. Think about this:<br /> • Review your list of all the things you MUST have in a mate?<br /> • Is the list even remotely realistic?<br /> • Should you expect less as you get older? (the answer is no! no! no!)<br /> • Are you trying to equal or do better than the person you lost or ran away from?<br /> <br /> Let’s start with the list. If you are someone who really loves to be outdoors; gardening, walking, and skiing – is it absolutely necessary that the person in your life love the same thing. What if they don’t? Are they excluded? Think how wonderful it might be to guide them into new experiences. Conversely, don’t you want to meet someone who offers an expansion of your horizons?<br /> <br /> Where are you looking for the ideal person?<br /> • On line?<br /> • At the church?<br /> • At a bar?<br /> • Inside your house?<br /> <br /> Use your existing network of friends and colleagues. No dating service knows you as well as long-time friends. A real friend is not going to introduce you to someone who is abusive or in financial trouble.<br /> <br /> Get out and get involved. Volunteer at a senior center. Be a volunteer at an American Heart function.<br /> <br /> Dating Dos and Don’ts!: Restrain from telling your entire life story the first time you meet someone. A first date will probably run screaming when you lay out every bad thing that has happened to you. The fact that you are dwelling on it just means that you have a lot of baggage – unattractive.<br /> <br /> Look your best for the situation. Regardless of your age or weight or number of wrinkles you can always dress as if you care. That hair growing on your chin is not cute (if you are a woman) and hair coming out of your ears is a little frightening (regardless of gender). Sweat pants are good for the gym. It only takes a few extra seconds to wear a pair of slacks. Make-up and good grooming like manicures and pedicures make you look confident.<br /> <br /> Most importantly, be friendly and confident. And, be aware when someone is trying to get you to notice them. I mean, who really needs advice on laundry detergent!!! Love is still out there. You will find it!<br /> <br /> About Sex Is Not for Sissies<br /> “Sex is Not for Sissies!” is a candid, tell-it-like-it-is seminar created by Valda Boyd Ford. With more than 30 years of experience as a registered nurse and a lifetime of working to improve the lives of others, Ford discovered that the topic of sex is not discussed enough. The seminar is based upon Ford’s “Living, Laughing and Loving: A Guide to a Satisfying Life.” The guide was developed as a result of women asking her questions about sexual literacy, safer sexual practices and a fulfilling sex life – especially for women over 40. The next Sex is Not for Sissies seminar is March 8th, 2014 from 6pm-9pm at The Technology Center of the Piedmont Triad. Learn more by visiting www.sexisnotforsissies.com or contact Valda at valda@sexisnotforsissies. com<br /> <br /> Valda Boyd Ford, MPH, MS, RN is the Executive Director and Founder of the Center for Human Diversity, Inc. Ford holds a Master of Public Health Policy Analysis and Administration from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, a Master of Nursing Administration from Creighton University, and a Bachelor of Science in Nursing from Winston-Salem State University. Valda Boyd Ford’s career includes nearly a decade of service in Saudi Arabia and the U.S. Virgin Islands. From Fortune 500 companies and small businesses to health organizations and law enforcement agencies, Ford has made presentations on leadership, public health, and cultural competency in 25 states of the U.S, as well as in over 40 countries abroad including China, Afghanistan, the Netherlands, Wales, Poland, Ghana, Saudi Arabia, the U.S. Virgin Islands, Denmark, Sierra Leone, Sri Lanka, and Australia.

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